Forbidden Love: I AM NOT THE FIRST LADY

Forbidden Love: I AM NOT THE FIRST LADY:

I AM NOT THE FIRST LADY

See I no longer feel the pain of your absence, no longer wonder in
oblivion bout your misdeeds, your perfected lies. Not because of luck of love
but content. That I will be nothing less than your mistress, that you will hide
from your friends, that I shall never be less than that, that you walk with
only when your shadow is not around. Heart in the dark in case you had the doubt.
Fear in love is the beginning of mutual forced understanding. See I no longer
fear to lose you. as you are to busy chasing time and opportunity to call your
wife when in the bed of your mistress. you are busy taking longer in the
washroom when in her house to talk to your other woman. See when your phone is
on call waiting i don’t have to be told who you’re busy talking to on the other
end because i am sure that when you’re
not in between my covers you are in hers.

You killed me the first day you walked into my life with tactic. A keeper
you called me but what was i to keep when your heart was already with another.
You drew me in. and with every kiss offered me poison from your lips.i was your
willing victim. and now i enjoy but the sexual encounters you offer on your
days off from your wife. the stolen kisses that i get and i make good with that
that i have become so formal with. That that you have made me understands and
conform to.

i am now happy knowing i will be nothing less to you but neither will i
ever be more. Because in your life i deemed myself the braids mate and not the
bride herself, so entangled in a web of emotions i settled for what you made me
understand i was. i could only be nothing but that.

a subtitle and not the title. Second and not first. Because i wasn’t and
will never be enough. No matter how much i try it will never be enough, cause i
am not like her. Am shorter. bit darker,bit thicker. i will never be as
pretty or as warm, i will never be as loud or blossomed.

i will always be half as good. i will get half as much. half as much
attention half as  much affection half as
much in bed because i am not as good. And i am not the first lady.

Forbidden Love: DON'T LET ME GO MY DARLING

Forbidden Love: DON'T LET ME GO MY DARLING:   

DON'T LET ME GO MY DARLING

                                        DON'T LET ME GO MY DARLING.

Today i want nothing more than just you but afraid
you'll disappoint me.That you'll have another excuses not to be with me
again tonight.I know that you love me but maybe not to notice the
change in my voice for the past while now.I feel like we are losing grip
of what we once had and i don't know how to do this anymore.I wager if
it be the end, your last words would be to wish me happiness.I don't
understand how that would,my world revolves around you.but Maybe losing
grip would be easier than holding on.My heart is torn into a million pieces
as i try to adsorb what i need say to the person who holds my heart.I
wish nothing but the best for you. My heart forever yours. I want to
fall in love again.To give it my all and i don't want just anyone.We
have both told so many lies that we can not erase,have so much that we
regret.Let this scars slowly fade.Am doing this alone as much as i wish
to be with no one but you,you are pushing me away. Pushing me into
anthers arms. believe me when i say its you am looking for.Its you i
wish to be with and you i wish to embrace. See, i don't trust myself
anymore,i don't believe that i can whither another storm. Feels like am
in this alone. Maybe its bout time.. I want to fall again with no one
new but you. This should be my good bye but i still want to wait for
you. It has been a beautiful journey.I love you today and tomorrow.I
hope you wont let me go, hold me down. show me am not in this alone.            

Forbidden Love: TEARS

Forbidden Love: TEARS:

TEARS

someone turned off the lights and has me walking the streets with nobody
besides me, just wanting someone to hold me, so that the world doesn't
seem so dark and depressing inside me. So that I could feel some kind of
hope that someone does care about me.It hurts more when you have people
there that don't see the signs or hear you when you explain your pain.
Alone and lost; sounds better than being in a sea of people and no one
hears or sees you drowning.

Forbidden Love: MAMA ITS CUPIDS MISTAKE

Forbidden Love: MAMA ITS CUPIDS MISTAKE:

MAMA ITS CUPIDS MISTAKE

See mama told me;go to skul sugar and get a job.Be a fine woman and have a
BLACK MEN and kids,so you can live happy.Yes mama.I did but i guess cupid made
a mistake.See mama.She understands me and i her.Mama.She has herself some fine
blonde hair and works on wallstreet.Mama.She has an honest living.She talks
with a british accent and mama.She calls me her world.She told me she wants to
marry me and mama.Next week am gone start working as an assistant at her
office.Mama.I will no long work at the salon with Terris and the girls mama.See
am gone go places.Youll be prod of your gal mama.

See God never seen ma mama so mad.She told me i had the devil living inside
me.That i had been colonized by the white piple.That i needed God to heal
me,cause i was sick.Mama took me to church and prayed  the devil to leave me.Gues she didnt pray
enough huh.She told me,i wasnt smart enough and that the white,gal had made me
her slave.She asked me had i not read the Bible enough.Had i not had it was
Adam and Eve and not Adam and steve?She told me i was black.Black and white don
mix gal.That loving a woman was a mistake.That i had to live by the laws of
nature.Love a MAN not a WO-man.A BLACK MEN.To stay on my social economical
side.

Why mama.Dont you think am good enough for her mama.Mama,dont you think i
can be somebody.And mama,why does my somebody got to be classed.Why mama and
dont you think my heart can love a woman any woman.Mama.I never cared bout
color.Donn care bout status,cause am gone be the best me.Am not black mama.Am human.Mama
am not bound cause i refuse to be a slave.I refuse to be wiped by conformasy
and small minded people.Black people who judge themselves before their judged.I love her.A WOMAN.I guest cupid made a mistake.

Forbidden Love: LOSS

Forbidden Love: LOSS:

Each time i felt like opening up i took a blade and opened my self
up.When you kissed my bloody red wrists I swear it healed 10 times
faster than before.when you kissed me for the very fast time I was
scared.scared that you would taste the antidepressants on my lips and
chock from my old whiskey breath that I had been taking that night and
the night before and the night before that.i did not want to look at you
because I did not want your eyes to catch mine because then in that
moment you would have seen how much I had cried floated and sank in my
tears. you said you loved me and I felt I was enough. You made me forget
the windows of the two or three asylums I had become a guest in. You
kissed me and its as if you knew I needed somebody there to hold me and
wipe my tears. I found home in your arms and you made me forget I was
damaged. temporarily you made me believe you loved me.And in that moment
you imprisoned me in this tragedy.you took me to heaven and dropped me
off in hell. The day I gave you my love and grace I lost more.more than
before.

Forbidden Love: CRAZY LOVE

Forbidden Love: CRAZY LOVE:

I
get it you don't care, fuck you to cause i don't either. You are a
lonely feminist that believes in nothing, A fucked up psychopath i
should have never met. i hate you, i love you or at least i want you to
**** me again and again. i want to wake up next to your misty breath and
fight bout whose making breakfast. I want to fight in the morning
before work and blame my bad day on you. dress in a sun dress on a
Sunday and go visit your mum and pretend like we don't fight.

 US;
it all seemed to make sense until  you tried to walk away tried to hurt
me. but guess what i knew about her the whole time so check again cause
i left footprints all over her bed sheets too,i to know when she gives
and receives.how her lips taste and the dash of her cheap perfume.not
that i wanted her in any way, i mean class and subs are worlds apart,
though i understand shes your go-to toy. you can keep this one, 

but
i want you: i want to get inside your head and write your worst
nightmares and your all so sweet dreams.its not over you wont bury me
and get away with it.

yes
yes am a crazy bitch and yes i will keep you chained to my hand. now
that its all said and done we are going to pick up the pieces and put
our hearts back in order. I will forgive you and we will move on because
i love you.

LOSS

Each time i felt like opening up i took a blade and opened my self up.When you kissed my bloody red wrists I swear it healed 10 times faster than before.when you kissed me for the very fast time I was scared.scared that you would taste the antidepressants on my lips and chock from my old whiskey breath that I had been taking that night and the night before and the night before that.i did not want to look at you because I did not want your eyes to catch mine because then in that moment you would have seen how much I had cried floated and sank in my tears. you said you loved me and I felt I was enough. You made me forget the windows of the two or three asylums I had become a guest in. You kissed me and its as if you knew I needed somebody there to hold me and wipe my tears. I found home in your arms and you made me forget I was damaged. temporarily you made me believe you loved me.And in that moment you imprisoned me in this tragedy.you took me to heaven and dropped me off in hell. The day I gave you my love and grace I lost more.more than before.

 

MAMA ITS CUPIDS MISTAKE

MAMA ITS CUPIDS MISTAKE

See mama told me;go to skul sugar and get a job.Be a fine woman and have a BLACK MEN and kids,so you can live happy.Yes mama.I did but i guess cupid made a mistake.See mama.She understands me and i her.Mama.She has herself some fine blonde hair and works on wallstreet.Mama.She has an honest living.She talks with a british accent and mama.She calls me her world.She told me she wants to marry me and mama.Next week am gone start working as an assistant at her office.Mama.I will no long work at the salon with Terris and the girls mama.See am gone go places.Youll be prod of your gal mama.

See God never seen ma mama so mad.She told me i had the devil living inside me.That i had been colonized by the white piple.That i needed God to heal me,cause i was sick.Mama took me to church and prayed  the devil to leave me.Gues she didnt pray enough huh.She told me,i wasnt smart enough and that the white,gal had made me her slave.She asked me had i not read the Bible enough.Had i not had it was Adam and Eve and not Adam and steve?She told me i was black.Black and white don mix gal.That loving a woman was a mistake.That i had to live by the laws of nature.Love a MAN not a WO-man.A BLACK MEN.To stay on my social economical side.

Why mama.Dont you think am good enough for her mama.Mama,dont you think i can be somebody.And mama,why does my somebody got to be classed.Why mama and dont you think my heart can love a woman any woman.Mama.I never cared bout color.Donn care bout status,cause am gone be the best me.Am not black mama.Am human.Mama am not bound cause i refuse to be a slave.I refuse to be wiped by conformasy and small minded people.Black people who judge themselves before their judged.I love her.A WOMAN.I guest cupid made a mistake.

TEARS

someone turned off the lights and has me walking the streets with nobody besides me, just wanting someone to hold me, so that the world doesn't seem so dark and depressing inside me. So that I could feel some kind of hope that someone does care about me.It hurts more when you have people there that don't see the signs or hear you when you explain your pain. Alone and lost; sounds better than being in a sea of people and no one hears or sees you drowning.

DON'T LET ME GO MY DARLING

                                        DON'T LET ME GO MY DARLING.

Today i want nothing more than just you but afraid you'll disappoint me.That you'll have another excuses not to be with me again tonight.I know that you love me but maybe not to notice the change in my voice for the past while now.I feel like we are losing grip of what we once had and i don't know how to do this anymore.I wager if it be the end, your last words would be to wish me happiness.I don't understand how that would,my world revolves around you.but Maybe losing grip would be easier than holding on.My heart is torn into a million pieces as i try to adsorb what i need say to the person who holds my heart.I wish nothing but the best for you. My heart forever yours. I want to fall in love again.To give it my all and i don't want just anyone.We have both told so many lies that we can not erase,have so much that we regret.Let this scars slowly fade.Am doing this alone as much as i wish to be with no one but you,you are pushing me away. Pushing me into anthers arms. believe me when i say its you am looking for.Its you i wish to be with and you i wish to embrace. See, i don't trust myself anymore,i don't believe that i can whither another storm. Feels like am in this alone. Maybe its bout time.. I want to fall again with no one new but you. This should be my good bye but i still want to wait for you. It has been a beautiful journey.I love you today and tomorrow.I hope you wont let me go, hold me down. show me am not in this alone.