I AM NOT THE FIRST LADY

I AM NOT THE FIRST LADY

See I no longer feel the pain of your absence’s, no longer wonder in oblivion bout your misdeeds, your perfected lies. Not because of luck of love but content. That I will be nothing less than your mistress, that you will hide from your friends, that I shall never be less than that, that you walk with only when your shadow is not around. Heart in the dark in case you had the doubt. Fear in love is the beginning of mutual forced understanding. See I no longer fear to lose you. as you are to busy chasing time and opportunity to call your wife when in the bed of your mistress. you are busy taking longer in the washroom when in her house to talk to your other woman. See when your phone is on call waiting i don’t have to be told who you’re busy talking to on the other end because i am sure that when you’re not in between my covers you are in hers.

You killed me the first day you walked into my life with tactic. A keeper you called me but what was i to keep when your heart was already with another. You drew me in. and with every kiss offered me poison from your lips.i was your willing victim. and now i enjoy but the sexual encounters you offer on your days off from your wife. the stolen kisses that i get and i make good with that that i have become so formal with. That that you have made me understands and conform to.

i am now happy knowing i will be nothing less to you but neither will i ever be more. Because in your life i deemed myself the braids mate and not the bride herself, so entangled in a wed of emotions i settled for what you made me understand i was. i could only be nothing but that.

a subtitle and not the title. Second and not first. Because i wasn’t and will never be enough. No matter how much i try it will never be enough, cause i am not like her. Am shorter. bit darker,bit thicker. i will never be as pretty or as warm, i will never be as loud or blossomed.

i will always be half as good. i will get half as much. half as much attention half as  much affection half as much in bed because i am not as good. And i am not the first lady.